Skip to main content

Saint or Sinner

Lent is around the corner and for the very first time, I welcome it.  I have an Aunt, I tend to agree with, that says, "I don't pick my Lent, it picks me."  I do give up and sacrifice but I always try to take something good up too.  This past year from last Lent, has been a very difficult year internally for me, because you see, I am a sinner.

From the outside looking in, I am a wife and mother.  My plate is full...some would say overflowing. I am also a partner in business.  An owner, per say of our business.  Then there is homeschooling our children.  Did I mention trying to also stay in touch with friends.  Almost impossible.  The constant guilt that follows my life can become unbearable, because you see, I am a sinner.

In the whirlwind of our life, I recently realized my lack of peace.  One evening I was upset and praying for peace.  Peace in the world, peace in my community, peace in my family and mostly peace in my heart.  For a brief moment, so very brief, I felt an inner peace consume me.  This was a possible 10 second feeling.  This feeling was a feeling I couldn't ever remember.  This feeling changed me forever.  For you see, I am a sinner.

There are moments in a persons life that change a soul.  Mostly for me it has been death.  The death of three unborn babies.  The death of my Father.  Sharing in the death of a beloved Uncle. The death of my husbands Aunt changed our family forever.  Then there is birth!  Birth of our five children.  Each one was like opening up a new gift.  The birth of our youngest child born with Down Syndrome.  Anticipating why God felt we were good enough for this child...why were we blessed with all our children?  For you see, I am a sinner.

So in this Lent that is approaching quickly I am ready to walk with Jesus and find my peace.  Purge the unnessaries out of my life.  Look deeply inward to discover why the world has consumed me and why I let it.  To be a better wife and helpmate, to cherish each child with love and gratitude.  To be the person God is calling me to be.  For you see, I want to be a Saint.





Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Don't Judge a Special Needs Family

Have you ever been misunderstood? Have you ever tried to do the right thing and have a whole bunch of wicked come hurling at you? What did you do? Did you start to endlessly explain your motives so it could be twisted by the few people that dislike you? Or did you stay silent? Staying silent is not my strong point, thus the blog.;) When I became pregnant with Looly (Kate), I noticed some big changes within myself. I had to fight to keep her alive because of a difficult pregnancy. Then at the end of my pregnancy I had to fight to keep us both alive. Then we were told Looly had Down Syndrome. At that time, we were grateful to God that she was alive and later we were thanking God that her heart was healthy and there was no neurological damage. She just has Down Syndrome. Just Down Syndrome. Say those words...just Down Syndrome. That is what I do, I simplify difficult things, then reflect and think I'm crazy. I was connected to this child at conception. I begged God to let me car...

Finding Peace with Charlie Kirk

It sure has been a rough time this year.  I really thought this year was going to be spectacular and finally peace among us.  How naive I still am.  Or is it the Pollyanna in me. Seeing Charlie Kirk get assassinated shook me and many others to the core.  I loved Charlie and what he stood for and yet!  I am so surprised at exactly how many people he touched.  Behind the scenes he was such a testament of who we should be.  He was genuinely GOOD!  How many times from thousands of friends did they say how he checked in on them and the encouragement he shared with them.   Now Revivals are breaking out and the younger generation is praising God in millions.  Does it make you think about yourself and how you make a difference in people’s lives?  Do you realize that your kindness and friendship is so much more powerful than you think?   When we want to mourn and hide away, we are being called to action.  Action with Praise and Glo...

SO MUCH WASTED TIME

I read an  article  about David Cassidy's last words.  "SO MUCH WASTED TIME!" This resonate's in my families lives.  There are people in my own family not speaking to each other.  There are people in my husband's family not speaking to us.  The reasons?  Everyone has their own opinion on who is right.  Our children see it all.  Hear it all.  Tuck it away inside.  We have tried to make peace but it takes the other side to want this too.  They made it loud and clear they want none of us.  So much wasted time. So.  How do you fix this?  You don't.  You forgive and then you turn to the ones who you love and love you back.  Don't waste time. Find those around you that bring you joy!  Laughter!  LOVE! Everyday I wake up and pray in gratitude for blessing me.  Thankful for our busy life. Kate is turning SIX YEARS OLD, November 30.  Almost six years ago we were thrown into the unknown....