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Saint or Sinner

Lent is around the corner and for the very first time, I welcome it.  I have an Aunt, I tend to agree with, that says, "I don't pick my Lent, it picks me."  I do give up and sacrifice but I always try to take something good up too.  This past year from last Lent, has been a very difficult year internally for me, because you see, I am a sinner.

From the outside looking in, I am a wife and mother.  My plate is full...some would say overflowing. I am also a partner in business.  An owner, per say of our business.  Then there is homeschooling our children.  Did I mention trying to also stay in touch with friends.  Almost impossible.  The constant guilt that follows my life can become unbearable, because you see, I am a sinner.

In the whirlwind of our life, I recently realized my lack of peace.  One evening I was upset and praying for peace.  Peace in the world, peace in my community, peace in my family and mostly peace in my heart.  For a brief moment, so very brief, I felt an inner peace consume me.  This was a possible 10 second feeling.  This feeling was a feeling I couldn't ever remember.  This feeling changed me forever.  For you see, I am a sinner.

There are moments in a persons life that change a soul.  Mostly for me it has been death.  The death of three unborn babies.  The death of my Father.  Sharing in the death of a beloved Uncle. The death of my husbands Aunt changed our family forever.  Then there is birth!  Birth of our five children.  Each one was like opening up a new gift.  The birth of our youngest child born with Down Syndrome.  Anticipating why God felt we were good enough for this child...why were we blessed with all our children?  For you see, I am a sinner.

So in this Lent that is approaching quickly I am ready to walk with Jesus and find my peace.  Purge the unnessaries out of my life.  Look deeply inward to discover why the world has consumed me and why I let it.  To be a better wife and helpmate, to cherish each child with love and gratitude.  To be the person God is calling me to be.  For you see, I want to be a Saint.





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