Some very big things have happened to my family since Kate was born. I've had to surrender my life completely to concentrating on BJ, all the kids and my Mom. This is my immediate family. Of course you all may think "Well sure, of course!" But I have always had this part of me that gets involved in other peoples tragedies. Trying to help or fix that persons life...not realizing that I was leaving my family and they needed me more...especially now. Huge things such as cancer and death are exceptions to the rules. The every day things have to be completed.
BJ is my protector. He is my very best friend. He needs me more now than he has ever needed me in all our life together. My children are each in their own lives but they still need me. The older kids need me to listen to them and sometimes, I said sometimes, give advice and guidance. They love me and love having me here for them. My two daughters are at that age right before teen drama starts. These are cherished moments because they still hear me and are still sponges.
Then there is Looly (Kate). She fell asleep in my arms at 5:30 p.m. yesterday. As I sat holding my Looly staring at her sweetness, I looked at BJ and said we are so blessed. God is so good to me. To us. This road is full of adventure. Some of it is fantastic and more is challenging. Unless you have a child or close relative with Down Syndrome, you will have a difficult time understanding. There are challenges and more is on us to help Looly to become successful. Learning to eat is huge. Down Syndrome children tend to suck and swallow and not chew. She also is very picky about what she eats. She also struggles to use utensils, so almost 3 years later we still mostly spoon feed her. Yes, there is early intervention that came for 2 1/2 years and we are grateful. The problem was that it interrupted my family too much. We homeschool, why can't Looly be homeschooled too? So that is what we are doing, at a slower pace, with love.
It seems that finally I get my purpose, my solid purpose. There is finally peace in our home. God guided me and blessed me with so very much. He guides me now. I have found that once I surrendered and stopped fighting all the things tearing me away from my family is when peace truly came to us. I wanted to go to Mass everyday. I wanted to go to a prayer meeting once a week. What I wanted and what I needed were two completely different things. So so funny, the things that used to overwhelm me, a sink full of dishes, a messy table, laundry, and so much more, just stopped being so important. Guess what, now most of these things aren't issues anymore because they smoothly, without stress get done everyday. Now will this peace last? Maybe, or maybe we should just accept it right now.
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